Once upon a time, I thought I found the one... If only I knew how naive little me was.
After speaking briefly about a terrible relationship, I was asked by many readers what I did to finally get over it. To be quite frank, I don’t know how.
I could try to give you a ten step plan. I could try to give you the solution or magic potion. But who can guarantee it’s effectiveness?
This isn’t a how to. This is my story.
I thought I had found the one. I was in college and he seemed to have the world going for him. We laughed and cried together. There wasn’t a secret between us. I never EVER doubted that man. Most girls my age were shocked that I would kick him out to go to the bars as that gave me time to watch my Gray’s Anatomy and did I mention an entire bed to myself? Though I loved that man, sometimes it was hard to be with someone when you were such a homebody and he was not. It was hard being with someone who was always checking to see where I was. He wanted to know everything I did and was doing. I could care less about what he was doing. I had bigger fish to fry.
This did have it’s benefits. I attended classes and worked part-time. He was working full-time. We were building a future and a life together but lived in our own little worlds. Then things slowly changed, he stopped asking every couple minutes what I was doing or going. I assumed he was finally loosening his leash on me. I don’t know why it happened. Maybe it was that I preferred to be home and he didn’t. Maybe he needed more challenge from his partner. Maybe it was that she was more his age. But one day, I came home early from class and found the adulterer in the act.
At this time in my college career, I was beginning to question what I truly wanted to do. I was as lost as any other kid. The only place I felt the comfort was in my home, knowing that no matter what I chose, I had him to come home to.
He called my name but I was already out the door. I crashed through my best friend’s apartment and threw myself at her. Sobbing like a maniac trying to explain what happened. I didn’t go home that night. I didn’t go to class the next day.
I was was found on my bathroom that day. I had my stomach pumped of sleeping pills. I knew how to talk my way out of being locked up and walked out of the hospital. Two more times in 24 hours, I would attempt to leave this world.
I was stitched up and locked up for a week. But I was rescued from the hospital and never walked back into that town again.
I should have felt relieved that I was finally free of his controlling grasp. I should have felt empowered. I should not have let that single human tear down my entire world. But I haven’t exactly been enjoying life. I struggled with eating disorders, self-harm, and extreme anxiety for my entire life.
Looking back, I should’ve known that there was someone better. I should’ve known someone would come along and not only be an amazing human but challenge me to be better at life.
I wasn’t allowed to leave this planet yet. So I sat with myself for a good long while. That’s when it happened. I just stopped thinking about it. I slowly forgot. I forgot how it felt to be betrayed.
I was cautious meeting people. I didn’t want someone having control over me like that. I refused dates, friends, relationships.
Then I met the likes of someone on my same wavelength. Someone whom wanted to spend time with me and build a life together but not control me.
I got over being betrayed because it would never happen again. I am in an open relationship and I know, never again, would someone be able to control my emotions the same way again. Years have passed and I would never trade my current relationship for something different.
I don’t have to worry about being cheated on. I don’t have to worry about binding myself to one person. I am a free spirit and he is a wild flame. I trust this man with my life and I trust him to never hurt or betray me. I won’t let another human have enough control of my heart that I want to die because there’s that part of me that is mine, that I will not give to anyone ever again.
I got over getting screwed over by allowing myself to love and be loved without being controlled. My entire childhood was controlled by my parents and the military. My college life was controlled by professors and bosses. But my love and my home life, is the most freedom I have ever felt.
I have my best friend and lover whom I come home to each day. I also have several other souls with whom I have attempted to build a connection with but I still haven’t found another on the same vibrational level as I. I don’t know if it’s young souls holding jealousy in them but not many people accept open relationships. Too many people want to control each other. But the freedom and joy of free love, that is where your soul will sing. I never thought I would be with someone like this but it has allowed me to not surrender everything, to not allow another human to control my emotions, my thoughts.
Now this isn’t for everyone. Not even for most people. But this is my story Of how I got over being screwed over and why it will never happen again
This time will be hard for you, my beautiful human. But it does get better, I promise. I am sending you all my love and warmth so that you may find comfort within this pain. I am sending my energy so that you may finally see that vista on the top of the mountain. Be strong and remember, I’m here for you.